Stigma Fighters Teen

A place where voices are heard

Skeleton Girl

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Middle school gym locker room, a place to laugh and joke with friends for some, and a torturous hell for others. A place where you are forced to shed the clothes that make you feel somewhat confident about yourself, while you stand in a room full of other adolescent girls and boys as they judge you based on your body that may or may not have hit puberty yet.

And this is where I became Skeleton Girl.

But this is to that girl who started the vicious cycle of my love hate relationship with my body.

Dear Girl With A Sharp Tongue,

I remember the first day we had to change. As I pulled my shirt off you exclaimed “I can see your ribs! You’re a skeleton girl. Put some meat on your bones.” That’s how it started.

The looks from the other girls made me uncomfortable as I fumbled to get my gym shirt on. After class the other girls rushed to change, but I didn’t mind being late if it meant they wouldn’t look at me with those eyes.

What brought tears to my eyes that day was that you were the one to start it. Little did you know at the time that I dreamed of being like you. I wanted to be one of the cool kids so that the pain would stop. Maybe everyone would love me more. And you, you were a cool kid who abused your power.

I watched you everyday. You’d pick at your lunch, make excuses as to why you wouldn’t eat. And in gym you’d call me those names.

I loathed my body but I watched as you picked on girls with more weight on their body. And I didn’t want to be like them. Clothes didn’t fit me they way they fit you, and you were quick to shove it in my face. Your curves were so beautiful, but you were quick to tell me that I couldn’t have curves like you. “You better stay small cause if you put on weight, it will be in all the wrong places.”.

But little did you know that everyday I watched you starve yourself. And little did I know your hate you placed on me was only envy.

– Love,
Skeleton Girl

I battled with anorexia silently for years.

In school we were taught about the obesity epidemic. But they didn’t think to teach us about the eating disorders that can lead to being under weight. They talked about how being overweight could be bad for your health, little did I know being too small would be bad too.

I feared gaining weight. Because so often I watched people shrug it off as a few pounds, ten pounds, then 50 pounds later they were wondering where the weight came from.

No, I refused to be that way.

I watched what I ate, and when I felt like I was gaining weight, no matter what the scales said, I’d skip meals. Sometimes went days without eating.

When the kids started calling me skeleton girl I felt lost. D***ed if you do and d***ed if you don’t. I watched them as they shamed a girl for being over weight yet here they are shaming me for being small. I began to want to change, but it was hard.

When your body adjusts to not eating, its hard to adjust it to eating again.

I dated a guy who like showing off how small I was. And any time I began to gain weight, he noticed. He would get so mad that he struck me a few times. It was fuel for the fire.

If you have read anything of mine, you know I began healing when I was 16. But I still have those days. Days where I look at myself and see “fat” I don’t like and spend 3 hours working out, and not eat a thing the entire day.

I don’t talk much about it to this day, because I am still sensitive about my weight. I don’t walk around in a bikini at the beach, not till I get to the water and can hide. I began getting more comfortable with tighter clothes, only for people to comment on seeing my ribs.

But I’m starting to accept myself. I’m starting to love myself. I even wear dresses to boost my confidence sometimes. And for that I’m proud. Small steps forward. Small steps to not being Skeleton Girl anymore.

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